Say my name
by SharilinAlenko
Summary: After an hard confrontation, Shepard and Kaidan seemed to have cleared up the mess between them. Now he has invited her on a date on the Citadel and she's very worried about it… What will happen? This is the sequel of my other fanfic "CELEBRATE I'M ALIVE AGAIN" and there are two smutty chapters. Hope you'll enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

TIME: 0954

That has been the fourth night that Shepard has passed without sleeping a minute… But unlike the other three before, this time she cannot sleep because of her thrill about what is going to happen to her that evening: she's going to have her first real dinner date with her only love, the Major Kaidan Alenko.

The day before was full of awesome emotion for her, since she met him by chance in the Port Observation, till she received his invitation by email to have a dinner with him at the Citadel.

She has hardly succeeded to finish all her boring reports in time, because all of her thoughts are about that evening.

"What should I wear? Oh God, I've never had a date before… Do I have to be elegant? What kind of place is Apollo's?"

She makes a research on the extranet, and she finds out that it is a nice reserved restaurant with open space on a beautiful terrace in the Presidium.

"Of course, Kaidan still knows what I like… So I can wear some casual clothes!"

She has never given a damn about clothes and such things like that, but… this time she want to be… beautiful… only for him.

She wants to listen to some music to calm down herself, but only one song comes in her mind, and obsesses her, so she ends to listen to it during all the time until now.

- Say my name

So I will know you're back

You're here again for a while

Oh, let us share

The memories that only we can share

Together

Tell me about

The days before I was born,

How we were as children

You touch my hand

These colors come alive

In your heart and in your mind

I cross the borders of time

Leaving today behind to be with you again… -

She had singed this so many times… well, during the moments when she wasn't too angry with Kaidan… After she met him on Horizon, before she went to the Collectors' base, during her days in Vancouver under arrest, after Mars…

_It's the first time she goes to the Huerta Memorial Hospital to visit him, after what happened at the Prothean archives._

_Doctor Michel has just told her that the Major should be out of danger, but he is still unconscious and she is caught by a terrible fear to lose him forever…_

_She enters in his room, and she sees him: his handsome face covered by bruises and wounds, his naked chest raises up and down by his irregularly breath._

_Her heart aches seeing him like this… She gets a chair and she seats near him._

_Again that song comes in her mind, and without thinking about, she starts to sing it low…_

_- We breath the air_

_Do you remember how you used to touch my hair?_

_You're not aware_

_Your hands keep still_

_You just don't know that I am here_

_It hurts too much_

_I pray now that soon you'll release_

_To where you belong_

_You touch my hand_

_These colors come alive_

_In your heart and in your mind_

_I cross the borders of time_

_Leaving today behind to be with you again… -_

"_Kaidan return to where you belong… Please fight! That's an order!"_

Shepard sighs remembering that day…

Kaidan was the first and only man who called her with her first name, after her young life was destroyed by the tragedy on Mindior.

This songs wakes always in her desires and feelings about him, that she misses so much…

His husky warm voice saying her name, his fingers intertwined with hers, his hands touching her hair…

She was sure that she would never experience those things anymore… until yesterday…

- Please, say my name

Remember who I am

You will find me in the world of yesterday

You drift away again

Too far from where I am

When you ask me who I am

Say my name

These colors come alive

In your heart and in your mind

I cross the borders of time

Leaving today behind to be with you again

Say my name -

Now she's ready to forgive and to forget all that happened between the two of them, she wants only to be with him again…

«EDI, how much time is left to the arrive at the Citadel?»

«We are docking in about one hour Shepard.»

«Thanks EDI.»

"Come on, it's time to have a shower and to get ready for a long day of boring red tape with the Council and the various embassies!"

* * *

"Shit shit shit! I am late! Damn Elcor! Him and his slowly motions! It took me an hour and a half to finish to argue with him! Now I'm late for dinner… I don't have time even to change my BDU's with something ... nicer! Damn damn damn!"

Shepard is almost running toward the elevator outside the embassies.

It was an exhausting day, she is very tired. But she doesn't mind, she is so much restless and excited for the incoming date with Kaidan…

"Wait a minute… Is it really a date?", she stops suddenly in front of the elevator "Jesus… I'm thinking about this from yesterday, like it is date… But what if I am wrong? Maybe he wants just… just…"

But no other explanation comes in her mind.

"Goddamn, Shepard! You've always been a badass soldier, without any kind of fears… why are you so fucking insecure when there's something about Kaidan?"

She sets her back against the wall near the elevator trying to recompose herself.

"Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale…"

She turns her head to her right, looking at the large window at her side, then she moves towards it, and she rests her forehead on her hand leaned on it.

_«Garrus, are you there?», Shepard enters in the Main Battery room._

_«Good morning, Shepard!», the Turian greets her from the other side of the room._

_«Hi Garrus… How's going in there?», her hesitant voice betrays her._

_«What's up, Shepard?», Garrus looks at her worried._

_She rubs her own hands uncomfortable. «Well… I… he… we…», she stammers._

_«Come on, Shepard, you can do it!»_

_«Ah… yes… Oh God… I think… Yesterday… this evening…», she pants. «Ok… Kaidan… he had invited me for a dinner at the Citadel today…», her cheeks are red like her hair while her eyes are staring at the floor._

_Garrus isn't surprised. He knows that Vega's and his own words should have been useful to convince Alenko to speak to her, because yesterday she seemed more happy and quiet then she used to be since… months. And now seeing her blushing awkward like that makes him feel… tender?_

_«That is a good thing, isn't it? I am not experienced about human behavior, and least of all about your mating rituals, but if I remember right from the vids that you showed me, a request for a dinner should mean a romantic purpose», he says to her comfortably._

_All her face lightens up at his words. «So are you thinking that it is a date, too?», her eyes are full of hope._

_«I am not the most qualified person on this ship to tell you that, but… Yes, I think so.»_

_She gives him a large smile. «Thanks Garrus! See you later!», and she leaves the room._

"_Yes… Human mating rituals are definitely too much elaborated!", he thinks while he's returning his attention on his calibrations._

"Come on Shepard, even Garrus thinks that it is a date…", she sighs looking out of the windows.

The beautiful and peaceful view of the Presidium is in front of her eyes, with his fountains and his artificial lights. Now, somewhere there's her Major who's waiting for her, but she can't move a single muscle.

"I know what is my problem. I'm worried about myself. After… my death… after Cerberus rebuilt me… I still feel ME… but… at the same time I know I'm not the same person. Something in me has changed, in my character, in my personality… And most of all… in my body."

She looks at her reflection on the glass of the window: her appearance didn't changed, unless for her longer hair. But James was right… She has a 'brand new rebuilt body': Cerberus wanted her to be exactly how she was before her death, but all the cybernetic implants they installed in her had deleted all the blemish and the scars, and now, even if she gets badly wounded, they restore them fast without leaving any mark on her perfect smooth skin.

She remembers how Kaidan loved to kiss her scars, telling that they made her even more beautiful and sexy… "And now? If we would be together again… if he would ever want to… see… me… what would his reaction be in front of my fucking 'brand new rebuilt body'?"

Still looking at her own reflection, she tidies a lock of hair back in the bun that gathers it all.

"You can't run away anymore from him, Shepard. It's time to show up your courage and to face your fears, even if there's the risk to suffer again. Kaidan is definitely worth it. Otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your… second life."

_«Come on lazy pilot, how many times do you need to dock this ship?!», Shepard scolds Joker in the cockpit. She is in a hurry to get out from the Normandy before meeting the Major, she's too restless at the moment to have the heart to talk to him… She doesn't know even how to act in front of him now…_

_«Shit Commander, we're almost there!», Joker hates when someone mistreats his work._

_The door behind them opens. «Good morning!», Kaidan's husky voice makes Shepard freeze on her spot._

_«Good morning, Major», EDI says to him._

"_Oh shit! Shit! Shit! What should I do now? Damn you, Joker!", she turns slowly towards him and when she sees the gorgeous smile he gives to her, all her body melts down._

_«Ehm… good morning, Major…», her voice almost falters._

_«Are you already prepared to exit from the ship, Commander?», his smile almost glares her._

_«Oh… yes… I've a lot of things to do till… this evening…», she feels her cheeks burn._

_«I understand. I will be busy too, I've received a convocation by the Turian councilor, but I don't know what's about yet», his voice is calm, like he understands that she is in a trouble and he wants to reassure her._

_«Ok, Commander, you're free to leave the Normandy. Have a nice day», Joker grunts at her._

_«Thanks, Joker…», she's still staring at Kaidan, like she can't do anything else._

_«May I come along with you, Commander?», he bows his head towards her._

_«Well… sure…», and they exits from the ship._

_They walk next to each other, without saying a word… Sometimes her shoulder touches accidentally his arm or his hands brushes against hers, and she feels her stomach clench every time…_

_She's still thrilled and she doesn't know what to do, while Kaidan's expression is indecipherable._

_Suddenly in Shepard's mind comes a thought. «Shit! I've forgot to do something! Sorry Major, I've to go back to the Normandy, please go on!»_

_He looks at her a little frustrated. «As you wish Commander… Then… See you this evening…», he sneers._

_She almost gasps. «Sure Major… Bye…», and she returns to the ship._

_«Joker!»_

_«Yes Commander?»_

_«We're going to leave the Citadel tomorrow at 0900. Please, tell all the crew that this night everybody will be on shore leave!»_

Shepard looks one last time at her reflection, to see if there's something wrong in her hair and in her dress. "Shit, I really wanted to wear something more… appropriate than the blue BDU's… Maybe to loosen my hair…"

Then she remembers that Kaidan was wearing the same clothes too. "Maybe even he hasn't had the time to change his suit… Come on, who cares!"

She enters the elevator «Spectre status recognized - please select a destination.»

«Presidium Commons», Shepard answers to the VI.

* * *

**NOTE: Shepard's song is "Say my name" by Within Temptation.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Shepard arrives at Apollo's, and immediately locates him: Kaidan is seated on a table right in front of the terrace, looking over it.

"Thanks God, he's really wearing the blue BDU's too", she thinks relieved.

"Ok, let's go, don't let him wait any longer, Commander. And be strong!"

She takes a deep breath and then she seats on the chair near him.

«Oh, Shepard, hey! There you are!», the Major looks at her with his awesome amber eyes full of tenderness.

«Yes, I'm sorry I'm late Kaidan. I… I had a trouble with an Elcor at the embassy… You know…»

«No problem Shepard, now you are here, that's all that matters to me», he smiles at her, making her relax a little bit.

«So… How's been your day, Commander?»

«Boring and tiring… And yours, Major?»

«Too much long I think…», he gives her a knowing glance that makes her shiver.

Then he starts to read the menu. «Surprised this place can still get supplies for a menu like this!»

She does the same. «Maybe it's better if we don't ask how... or where.»

Kaidan bursts in a hearty laugh that makes Shepard melt down.

«I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. I could use a sanity check», he returns to look at her.

«Yeah… Things have been pretty crazy…»

«You know, my life flashed in front of my eyes on Mars... and there weren't enough moments like this, with people I care about…», his smile disappears, his eyes staring at her grave.

«How are you feeling these days, Kaidan?»

«Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me. And grateful that I convinced you to sit down for half a second and relax», here's again his wonderful sweet smile.

«Yeah, I think it's a good time for us to have a heart-to-heart… Let's talk! What are you drinking?»

«If you're trying to butter me up, it might take a nice steak sandwich, too!», he teases her.

She raises one eyebrow «So?»

«Shot of whiskey and a good old Canadian lager. Think they have it?»

She looks again to the menu «More likely to have Batarian Shard Wine.»

«At my parents' place in Vancouver, I drank more than a few beers on their balcony, looking over the English Bay», his sight wanders over the terrace «Yeah, beautiful view...», he seems a little sad…

_«I don't know how I could survive to all the pain I suffered from losing you… I've stayed several weeks in shore leave at my parents' house without saying a word to them, to anyone… All I wanted was to be dead too…»_

Shepard remembers his words… "Is he thinking about those days…?"

He stirs himself and takes a deep breath. «You know what, though? I feel good about our chances.»

«Yeah?»

«Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night.»

"Uhm, so I am not the only one who can't sleep…", Shepard thinks «You not sleeping, Kaidan?»

His eyes are open wide looking around awkward. «Maybe a little restless...»

"Oh God, he's so… cute!"

«The war isn't the only thing keeping me up at night... I wonder about us…», his whiskey colored eyes turns to be serious staring at her.

«Us?», her heart rate instantly increases. "Oh… there we are…"

He inhales again. «I love you, Shepard… I always have.»

She feels her throat go dry, her own breath starts to be irregular…

«I want to understand what there is between us... and make it real…»

He's looking at her ardently and romantically, she almost swoons…

«That's what I want. What do you want Shepard?»

Their eyes are locked… No more sounds and noises around them… The time seems to stop… There are the only two of them…

Shepard's feeling so idiot for all her useless fears about this moment, about him…

"He's just said he still loves me…", she's trembling, her cheeks are flushing wildly and her eyes are filling with tears…

«What I want… I want you Kaidan… I want only you… I always wanted only you…», she forces her tears back. «I can't bury what I feel for you anymore. And I don't want to… I love you too, Kaidan…»

Kaidan's face lightens up listening to her words and he takes her right hand, bringing it on his left cheek. «And that... makes me so happy… And there are benefits to that happiness…», he kisses the palm of her hand, still holding it on his face. Shepard is totally ravished by him…

«But more on that later», and he leaves her hand down.

Shepard wakes up from her state of bliss. "W… what?!"

Her eyes open wide staring at him surprised, all the strong emotions she was feeling disappear. «Later?!»

«Well, yes… Our drinks are here… and I am going to take my time», he continues to smile tenderly to her while the Salarian waiter comes to their table with a bottle of whine and two glasses.

"What… what… is he kidding me? Later… LATER! He just said he loves me, and I told I love him too… and now he wants to… drink?", she can barely hide her being so upset.

«What are you thinking about, Shepard?», he seems to understand even then her disappointment and he clearly enjoys it.

«I was… wondering about how delicious might be these… drinks…», she tries to recompose herself, she doesn't like to appear so bothered, even with him, not after his… "What was that?"

«I hope their steak sandwiches are… delicious too!», he sneers amused.

«Oh yes, the steak sandwiches…», she grumbles.

"I can't believe he's thinking about… steak sandwiches! Jesus, why did I had to fall in love with a ravenous… biotic…", she looks at him "sweet-lovely-adorable-awesome-handsome-hot-sexy man…" and she bursts into laughs.

«Ok, Major, let's try these steak sandwiches! Hope they worth the… waiting…»

«I am pretty sure they do…», he blinks at her.

"Now… Is he talking about the sandwiches or…? Oh shit! Shepard that's your problem! Your stayed months away from him, now you're letting your… lust… drive you crazy?"

She wanders around the terrace, trying to find something to focus her attention on… without success.

So she looks down at her right hand, still feeling the warmth of his kiss on her palm. Absent-mindedly she starts to tapping on the skull tattoo on her wrist.

Kaidan notices it, and the look in his face turns to be questioning.

«What?», she asks surprised.

«I don't know if… Maybe it's not a good id…»

«Tell me, Kaidan!», she interrupts him, a little concerned.

«I… I've observed that… The scars that you used to have on your arms… there are no more…»

There's a pang in her heart "Oh no…"

«Yeah… Cerberus implants cured all my scars… Now my skin is smooth like that of a newborn…»

Curiously, her last statement seems to have triggered an unexpected reaction in his eyes: they burned with desire for a moment.

"Wow… interesting…", she thinks relieved.

«Well… I see… But what about your tattoos? They seems to be exactly the same…»

«Yes, they are. Miranda Lawson told me that the Illusive Man wanted me to be precisely the same person I was before I died… And the tattoos are an important part of myself, so they preserved them, repainting them where they were… ruined by my wounds…», a little of pain crosses her chest, thinking again about those things.

«I am glad they did so», his hand caresses her wrist «I always liked your tattoos.»

She bits her bottom lip. «Thanks… maybe you're going to like even my new one…», she says flirty, thinking about the phoenix on her left shoulder blade. She made it the first time she was back at the Citadel, after her two years of coma.

«That sounds attracting…», his fingers brush her knuckles.

Suddenly she remembers the OTHER new tattoo that he still hasn't seen… The little broken heart on her left breast… "Shit… at least that tattoo wasn't a good idea…"

The waiter arrives with the sandwiches interrupting her thoughts.

«They don't seem bad, do they?», Kaidan scans its own scrupulously.

«No, they don't!», and they start to eat.

* * *

Their dinner ended to be very pleasant anyway, talking about the past and the present…

Now they've just left the restaurant and Shepard doesn't know what's in Kaidan's mind.

«When I was going to the restaurant, I met Joker and EDI. He told me that you gave a night of shore leave to all the crew», he says while they start to walk away.

«Yes…», Shepard feels a little embarrassed…

«He told me also that they all will be at the Purgatory, if I… we… would like to join them…»

"Oh no…", she looks at the floor. «And… do you… want to join them?»

He stops and takes her hand. «No, definitely not. I've got another plan for the evening…», she rises her head and sees an intriguing expression on his face.

«And what…?»

«Follow me», and he takes her inside a taxi cab. «But please, close your eyes…»

She obeys kindly, her hand still grabbed in his.

As the trip goes on, with her eyes closed, she relaxes herself, until she leans slowly her head on the crook of his neck, feeling his warmth, his pulses near her ear, his heady scent…

«Here we are Shepard. But don't open your eyes yet, I'll lead you…»

He pulls her gently out of the taxi cab, then she feels his body behind her, his hands on her hips, his breath on her hair.

«Walk slowly… Beware, we've to get off a stair… We're almost there…», his husky voice guides her and she feels so good…

«Here we are, open your eyes!», Kaidan leaves his grips on her and moves at her left side.

Shepard opens carefully her eyes… and what she sees completely amazes her…

«Oh my… How is that possible… We are at the Upper Wards! I supposed that it was still closed because it suffered extensive damage when the Sovereign exploded!»

«They've finished the repairs almost two months ago…», Kaidan is staring at the huge windows… The same windows that caught his attention almost three years ago…

It was the first time the Normandy SR-1 had docked at the Citadel, Shepard with Lieutenant Alenko and Chief Ashley Williams had just finished to speak with the Council about the betrayal of Saren, and they were trying to find out help for their mission. While they were heading to the C-Sec Academy, Kaidan suddenly stopped at that windows to watch outside astonished with his eyes sweeping over the view.

«You seemed like a child in front of an extraordinary new toy…», Shepard hearty laughs at that sweet memory.

«Really? Well, it was my first time here… It was all new for me…», he turns his amber eyes to her. «And it was the first time I… crossed the lines of fraternization with my Commander…»

She blushes. «I remember it so well…»

«You were talking about the fact that the other species had to like Humans, because we have oceans, beautiful women, that emotion called love…»

«And you said to me 'When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you… I mean, us! Humans! Ma'am'», she tries to imitate his embarrassed tone.

«Yeah… And Ash made a mischievous comment about it…»

«Maybe she was a little envious! Every girl would love to listen an handsome Lieutenant who pays such compliments to her!», she blinks at him.

«Or maybe she wanted only to tease me…»

«Oh dear Ash…», she sighs thinking of their dead friend.

«Kaidan, thanks. That was an amazing surprise… This place will always be in my mem…»

He suddenly interrupts her, sliding his left hand around her waist, pulling her body near his own and reaching for her chin with the other hand. His gorgeous brown eyes burning of desire and affection are staring intensely at her.

Shepard feels his breath on her lips, the hot touch of his hand on her small back…

Again, as before at the restaurant, their eyes are locked and the entire galaxy seems to halt around them.

It's been seconds, minutes, hours? She doesn't know… They're staying immobilized looking at each other, listening to their heartbeats, to their breaths… She barely remembers that they are in a public place, that someone could recognize them, that they should be in trouble… But she couldn't care less about it, the only thing that matters is the man in front of her…

Finally Kaidan slowly leans his head and makes his way towards her lips, kissing her gently… The softness of his lips, his alluring scent, his warm breath on her face… they are exactly how she remembers. "Jesus, how I've missed him…"

She starts to lose control, needing more of him. And he seems to feel the same, because he closes the gap between them pulling her body against his, his lips become more demanding moving on hers.

Shepard's heart begins to beat like a hammer in her chest as his right hand moves to her nape, pulling her even more close to him and making her open her mouth: his tongue slides in it to savor her, exploring and meeting the tip of hers, and he strokes it gently… His salty taste inebriates her…

Her arms go up on his chest, locking behind his neck, shivers of delight go down her spine while she tightens more to him. Their tongues begin to swirl and to tangle with each other, both of them giving low moans of appreciation.

When they remain totally breathless, Kaidan breaks their kiss, resting his forehead on hers. With his thumb he caresses her left cheek and her jaw, staring at her with eyes darkened by lust.

«You know…», he whispers panting, «I haven't seen your new cabin yet…»

«Oh really?», Shepard chuckles near his lips. «And would you like to see it now, Major?»

«I'd love to, Commander…», he smiles at her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kaidan can't believe he managed to hold on to carry out his plan for the evening.

He was always a romantic person… He had dreamed so many times to have a dinner with the love of his life, and then to take her to the place where he showed unwittingly for the first time his involvement with her.

But it was terrible hard to resist the need to hug her, to kiss her and to drag her straight in her cabin on the Normandy… due to all the time he had been without her, all the things happened the last day, all the words they said to each other… and damn Vega and his ideas about her 'brand new rebuilt body'!

He couldn't avoid to think about… Shepard's body… for all the day long.  
Yes, Kaidan is a romantic person, but he is also a man… and she is so damn sexy! He still remembers perfectly how it was to hold her in his arms, to caress her fragrant skin, to kiss her everywhere, to see her eyes to burn of desire of him, to bury himself within her, to listen her gasps with pleasure screaming his name… Damn it, he misses all those things so much…

_«Wait a minute… Are you telling that after your death, after Cerberus rebuilt you, you didn't have any other… affair Lola?»_

_«So you haven't… tested your brand new rebuilt body yet?!»_

Fucking Vega! It was already so hard to resist her, without his words to worsen his situation!  
Anyway it was good to have the confirmation that she didn't move on with her life with other one…  
He was so afraid thinking about the people of the Cerberus crew… She's a splendid woman, and she is so attractive… Who knows how many of them had tried to… conquer her. Only to think about it makes Kaidan's chest burn by jealousy…

But thankfully… Somehow she had continued to love him, despite all the mistakes he had done…

And now they're finally together again, heading back to the Normandy, after the dinner and the visit at the Upper Wards he had planned a long time ago. He can't almost believe that it isn't another dream…

And amazingly… all his efforts to hold on during the dinner were also hardly tried out by Shepard's own impatience. He didn't expected she would react like that… Probably her need is exactly the same of his own…  
"I am the luckiest man alive…", he thinks looking at her while they're entering in the ship.

* * *

«Welcome back Commander, and you too Major», EDI's voice goes out from the comm in the CIC.

«Thank you EDI», Shepard answers to her «All the crew is out of the ship?»

«Of course Shepard, we're at the Purgatory. Do you need something?»

«No thanks EDI.»

«You and the Major aren't going to join us, are you?»

«Err… no… we… ehm…»  
«I understand Shepard. You'll need some privacy.»

Shepard blushes «Well… Yes… And… EDI please… don't tell anything to Joker!»  
«Don't worry Shepard, Jeff is too busy trying to show me his dancing skills at the moment.»

«Jesus… Good luck EDI!», she laughs.

«You too Shepard. I hope you two finally had reached an agreement about your current sentimental and sexual relationship.»

She seems to be very embarrassed «Oh well… I think…»

«According to my researches about Human mating I can tell that you two make almost a perfect couple.»

«Almost?», Kaidan asked astonished.

«95% pros and 5% cons.»

«And why that 5%?»

«Because of the Alliance fraternization rules. At the moment I am researching if there are the same rules about fraternization between the Council Spectres, but I haven't still found anything. I will update you if I'll find it.»

"Fucking regs!", Kaidan curses within himself.

«Well… thanks again EDI. Enjoy yourself there», Shepard cuts off the conversation, clearly uncomfortable.

«Of course Commander, thanks.»

* * *

They're waiting for the elevator, an awkward silence surrounds them.

When it arrives and they get into, finally Kaidan finds out the heart to speak «That was… weird…»

«Damn it was!», she's looking at the floor, a soft shade of red colors her cheeks.

«But… well… 95% isn't bad, is it?», he tries to lighten the mood.

She rises slowly her head to stare at him «No, at all…», she says shy.

«And it would be a 100% if there weren't the fraternization rules…», he continues "Fucking regs!"

«Yeah… Oh… wow… 100%... Wow!», she seems to realize now the meaning of the words.

A ringing sound warns them that they're arrived at their destination.

«So Major, here we are: this is my cabin…», she invites him to enter with a gesture toward the entrance.

When the door spreads up, his eyes opens wide at the sight of the huge loft «Wow! It… It is amazing!»

He already knew that the topmost deck of the ship consisted only of the captain's quarters, but he didn't imagine that it could be so… big.

He steps inside to admire all the room, and Shepard follows him shyly.

«Shepard, it's… it's so huge and beautiful!»

«Yeah… Cerberus wanted give me comfort and… privacy… excluding the fact they'd installed an AI in the ship…», she says without any emotion.

«Do you have fishes?!», he can't hide his surprise.

«Yes, and I'm very proud of the fact that I'd succeeded to not kill anyone of them, despite all the bets Joker had had towards me. And I've a space hamster too!», she points to a glass cage on the shelf near her desks.

Kaidan goes near it, tapping gently on the thin wall. A little fluffy muzzle exits slowly from the little wooden house inside the cage and two little dark eyes stares at him questioning.

«He's cute, isn't he? He's name's Flash», she smiles looking at the funny rodent.

«Flash?»

«Yeah… he's so fast, that I was wondering to call him FTL, Faster Then Light… But it sounded not so good, so I decided for Flash», she explains him continuing to focus on the hamster.

Kaidan burst into laughter «YOU are cute, Shepard!», he says her fondly, moving back to the desk.

A faint beep captures his attention: a frame on the desk switches on and his own smiling face appears on it.

She notices at once what just happened and she blushes again.

«Ehm… As I told you I used have a picture of you… The first frame had gone lost during Earth's attack, so I'd brought another one…», she almost stammers.

"She still loves me so much…? Thanks God…", Kaidan's emotions are overwhelming him… He makes a step towards Shepard, but she moves away from the desks embarrassed.

«Please Major, let your hair down», she points the couches in the other side of the room.

Kaidan follows her hint a little disappointed, and he sits.

«Do you want something to drink? Err… Sorry, I've got only water to offer to you…»

«Water will be very appreciate thanks», he smiles to her.

«Ok I'll be back in a minute», and she disappears into a door near the entrance.

Kaidan lets his eyes wander over the cabin, looking at the fish tanks, the large bed, the holo-clock on the nightstand.

"Is that a music-holo-clock?", by instinct he approaches it and turns it on.

- Say my name

So I will know you're back

You're here again for a while… -

The sweet love song invades the cabin, leaving him speechless again.

"I already know this song… but… how…?"

A low gasp comes from behind him: Shepard is standing near the fish tanks griping two glasses of water in her hands with a guilty look in her face.

- Oh, let us share

The memories that only we can share

Together -

«What is this song?», he asks carefully to her.

«It's called… 'Say my name'…», she almost whispers.

- It hurts too much

I pray now that soon you'll release

To where you belong… -

«I… When I woke up from my coma at the Huerta Memorial I had this song in my mind… But I didn't ever listened to it…»

The surprise and the shock on her face is evident.

«Wait… It is because of you…?», Kaidan begins to understand.

Shepard's face becomes crimson red… «I… I… I thought you were unconsciousness…»

«Did you sing it to me?», he gets close to her who is still frozen on her spot with the glasses in her hands.

- Please, say my name

Remember who I am

You will find me in the world of yesterday… -

He takes the glasses, leans them on the small table in front of the couches and then he returns near her.

«When… I saw you… On that hospital bed… I was… caught… by fear… It was… terrible…», she's trembling.

- Say my name

These colors come alive

In your heart and in your mind

I cross the borders of time

Leaving today behind to be with you again… -

He embraces her, holding her firmly in his arms, her face buried on his chest, his hands caressing her hair slowly…

He can't control anymore his strong feelings, his heartbeats are so fast…

He takes a full smell of the sweet lavender scent of her hair and he whispers in her ear «I love you so much…»

- Say my name -

He takes another breath «Sharilin…»

Suddenly the wonderful woman in his arms leaps up at his words and she raises her head to look at him with her eyes full of tears.

«Please, say it again…», she asks him sobbing.

Kaidan gazes at her, feeling his heart almost to explode for his own emotions…

«I love you Sharilin…»

The tears start to go down from her eyes but her face is lighten by a gorgeous smile.

«I have missed you so badly Kaidan…», she is amazingly beautiful despite of all the tears which dampen her skin.

«I have missed you too, Sharilin…», he takes her chin with his right hand and he begins to kiss her cheeks to dry her tears.

«Please… Don't leave me anymore Kaidan…»

He stops kissing her and takes her face with both his hand making their eyes to lock into each others «And you… Don't you dare to die on me again Sharilin…», he says staring at her with a grave look.

Her expression turns to be serious too «I'll try…»

«No way. You are not going to die anymore, not without me!», his tone is firm and demanding, his eyes burning in hers.

«Kaidan…», she seems hesitant.

«Promise me Sharilin.»

She inhales deeply «I… I will not die anymore without you Kaidan.»

«Good… you better not to forget your promise Sharilin, do you understand?»

Her sky-blue eyes are still fastened on him «I do.»

His face gets more near to hers «And I'll promise you that, whatever will happen, I will never leave you again Sharilin, I will always stay with you, till the end of time.»

She sighs with relief and her lips turns in a lovely smile «Together until our dying day…»

He smiles back at her and tighten her up…

Then he kisses her lips, determined to leave all the pain of the past behind them… at least for that night.


	4. Chapter 4 NSFW

**Chapter 4 (NSFW)**

The holo-clock continues to play the love song, while Kaidan and Sharilin are holding tight to each other in an passionate kiss. Their demanding lips are moving fast, their tongues collide and swirl, they moan while their breaths speed up…

Kaidan lifts his fingers to her bun. «Loosen your hair, my love…», he murmurs on her lips.

She obeys without pulling apart from him: her long curvy mahogany falls delicately on her shoulders and down to her loins. He moves his lips on her chin, her jaw, the sensitive skin beneath her ear… and he sinks his nose in all that lavender scented softness, caressing her nape.

«Your hair are so long now…», he says admiring it.

«Ah… they were the only thing… I liked after I woke up from… my coma…», she answers panting.

«They're so beautiful…», he slides his fingers through them smelling deeply.

Sharilin leans her hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeats under her palms, and he suddenly nips her throat at her pulse spot.

She gasps out loud. «Didn't you… say that… you wanted to… take your time?»

He reaches her ear, nipping her lobe. «Yeah… I wanted to take my time to enjoy the dinner with the most extraordinary woman in the galaxy… and now I want to take my time exploring and tasting again every inch of her body, getting lost within her and making her scream my name…», his whispers make her shiver.

He returns to her lips, kissing her even more starving, pushing her against the fish tank. She pulls her hands up from his chest, on his pecs, on his shoulders, and then she reaches his dark hair digging her fingers in his curls, sighing pleased. They are mad with desire, their mouths almost desperate, with tongues, teeth, whimpers and heavy breaths.

After a while, Kaidan's need to feel her more begins to be unbearable… His hands go the buttons of her suit and start to undo them, and in a few seconds her shirt is on the floor.

He breaks the kiss and stares at her: her white tank top adheres perfectly on her soft curves, he can almost glimpse her black bra under it, and her dogtags hang in the middle of her breasts, that are raising up and down following her troubled respiration.

He's caught by a terrible desire to undress her immediately… but, as he said before, he wants to take his time to savor her slowly, so he forces his eyes to return to hers: she is gazing at him with an expression in her face that seems to be embarrassed and eager at the same time.

He kisses her again, feeling the bare skin of her shoulders under his fingers, and Sharilin reacts following his last action with his own suit, starting to move away from the fish tank and driving him towards the large bed.

When they arrive near it, his shirt is on the floor too, leaving his chest naked. She pulls apart from his lips to contemplate his perfect body for a moment and then her hands explore his shoulders, his pecs, his abs… and before the situation becomes 'hazardous', Kaidan manages to move her hands away and to push her delicately on the bed.

She falls softly on the mattress, her long hair scattered all over the sheets and a little sign of disappointment on her face.

«Don't be hasty my love, we've got all night long…», Kaidan smiles at her and she giggles hearty looking at him, who is still standing in front of her. «Let's resolve first the most elaborate matter: to remove these cumbersome boots from your delicate feet…», she laughs again when he begins to work on her shoes. «Your laugh is the sweetest sound of the entire galaxy, Sharilin…», his voice is full of affection and makes her flush instantly.

When her feet are freed from the boots, he turns his back to her and sits on the bed between her legs to do the same with his own shoes… Sharilin takes advantage of sitting behind him too, gliding her hands on his bare back and brushing her lips on him, from the shoulder blades up to his neck, getting closer with her body to his, until her breasts prop on him, and she reaches his right earlobe with her teeth making him quiver and give a strong groan.

Immediately Kaidan faces her and kisses her again more hungrily and his hands find the hem of her top, but when he tries to slide his fingers underneath it, she stops him. He looks at her abashed and for a little while she seemed to be worried about something, but soon she grins at him. «Don't you remember that I've told you about my new tattoo? Don't you want to see it?»

He smiles relieved. «Of curse I do…»

She backs off a little from him, she turns over sitting on her knees and collects her hair together in front of her right shoulder. While she's taking off her top Kaidan can see the old N7 logo on her nape, the Spectre logo on her small back - which he remembers she made the same day the Council gave her the title - and finally, when she tosses the top from her head, on her left shoulder blade, a new… "Is it a bird?", he doesn't recognize it, but anyway he's astonished by the stylized fierce animal covered by fire.

«What is that?», he asks fondly to her.

«It's a phoenix: it is a legendary creature, the symbol of the death and the rebirth. It lives a very long life… When it decides to die, it lets the sun burn its feathers to death and then it comes back to life from its own ashes.»

Kaidan is totally conquered by the history. «Wow… it is amazing…»

«When I realized what had happened to me after I woke up in the Cerberus lab… I found out that thinking about being a phoenix myself… somehow made all that fucking situation less… awful…», she sighs without turning towards him. «I know it's stupid but…»

«No, it isn't stupid at all. It suits perfect on you… You're a extraordinary being that has a fire within its soul and it is always running wild…», he murmurs getting near to her back to brush the tattoo with his fingertips.

He feels her thrills under his touch, and again he forces her to lie down on the bed, her face sunken into a pillow. He leans his head to kiss the phoenix, while with his hands he enjoys the pleasure of every inch of her naked skin. She reaches the pillow with her fingers and grasps it giving whimpers of appreciation.

His lips moves all over her back, kissing and lapping the way down to her Spectre tattoo and the way up to her N7 logo, and again down until he reaches the clasp of her bra. With his teeth he manages to open it, making her give a little cry when he succeeds.

«Look at me, my love», he whispers in her ear while he's working to free her from the useless fabric. She hesitates, but when he passes his lips on her neck, nipping and licking it, she turns on her back, letting him finish his work with her bra.

He stares at the breathtaking woman under him: her hair ruffled on the pillow, her cheeks flushed, her eyes looking at him embarrassed…

He takes her face in his hands «Oh God, you are so beautiful, Sharilin!», and he kisses her again, and again, and again… She digs her fingers in his dark curls and Kaidan slowly begins to brush his lips down on her chin, her jaw, her throat, her collarbones… and his hands grips gently her breasts making her gasps delightfully.

He continues to go down to kiss between them, and then he moves to her left breast, where he knows there's her most important tattoo: he almost reached it when he noticed that it isn't exactly the same tattoo he was used to know.

When they spent their shore leaves together, after defeating Saren and the Sovereign, she told him the history of that tattoo, that it represents her family died on Mindoir, that each star is one person of her family, and that she was always very… protective and reserved towards it…

And now other than the three stars there is a little broken hearth… «What…?»

He hears her breath stop, so he raises his head to face her: her look is guilty and concerned.

«Sharilin…?»

She sighs gloomy. «I had… extended… this tattoo… after… Horizon…»

Suddenly he understands why she seemed so worried to take off her top and her bra… «My love…», he feels his own heart break thinking about how they both had suffered because his… stubbornness…

«It seemed so… sure… after our meeting… that I… had lost you forever… But I knew that I could never love another man in my life… so… I wanted something… which reminded me of the time spent with you… that no one could ever take away from me…», her voice is faltering.

He glances sadly in her blue-eyes. «I am so sorry… I don't know what to say…», then unexpectedly she gives him a gorgeous smile. «But now you are here… You are with me again, and this is not a dream, is it?»

He melts down at her smile. «No, absolutely, it isn't… And as I had promised to you before, I will never leave you anymore, my only love…»

Without waiting any longer, he focuses again his attention on the little broken heart and he starts kissing it, licking it and sucking it, like he wanted to delete it with his lips.

Sharilin groans at his actions, making him losing control: he moves down on her left breast since he reaches her rosy nipple and he covers it with his lips, lapping and nipping it, while his left hand pinches its twin… «Kai… d'n!» she gasps almost screaming.

After a while he inverts the position, kissing her right breast and caressing the other, feeling her heartbeats quicken, her fingers disarrange his short hair and her sweet voice calling his name passionately.

He continues to brush her soft skin whit his lips, going down on her belly but without moving his hands from her breast… She cries out when he passes his tongue in her navel and he reaches the top of her pants: he manages to open the belt and free her from the rest of her suit, staring at her sexy black panties.

«Wow…», he glances at her with a satisfied grin, while his right hand starts to touch her deeply through the black lace and his other one caresses the velvet skin of her long legs. Her face gets colored by a deep red, she closes her eyes biting her bottom lip trying to control her own whimpers and her fingers cling to the sheets of the bed.

«My love, relax yourself…», he whispers into her ear, without stopping touching her.

Suddenly she opens her eyes and leaves her hold on the sheets to pull him near.

«Now it's my turn», and she swaps him beneath her: her lips are on his eyebrows, his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, his lips, the dimple of his chin, his jaw, his neck, and down…

Kaidan can't hold his groans of pleasure, feeling the woman he's always loved so much caressing and kissing him ardently like she used to do years ago, and this always drove him insane…

Later he notices that she has reached his belt and she has started to open it. When she finishes, he sits and with a hand around her waist he pulls her near his chest, and then he turns her down again on the bed, attaching his mouth on hers.

She grumbles against his lips. «You didn't let me finish with you!»

He sneers at her. «The time was over, my love, now you're going to be mine…», and he slides his forefinger in her panties to take them off from her.

Sharilin whimpers. «This isn't fair, you've your pants on yet…», she tries to reach them, and he helps her to get them off.

Now with only his boxer on, Kaidan's arousal is definitely evident, and she begins to caress him trough the cloth…

«Oh God… I want you so badly, Sharilin… I need to be inside you now…», his voice is faltering by his urge.

She frees him from his boxer and grips his perfect butt, taking him between her legs…

Kaidan's eyes are locked in hers that are full of desire, her breath is heavy on his lips, his left hand on her cheek… He inhales intensely and slowly buries himself within her, with a low groan.

His heart is almost exploding by the emotion to be joined to her again, their eyes still locked into each other… He starts his slow pace, caressing her and murmuring words full of love.

Her breasts swing following his own movements, he can feel her nipples brushing his chest, making him even more excited… He speeds up smoothly his pace, still staring in her charming eyes.

Sharilin's eyebrows are raised by the pleasure, her moans are interrupted sometimes by her calling his name, and her hands are firmly gripped on his back. The more he moves fast, the more her grip tightens and the volume of her voice increases…

He is feeling so good pounding inside her… He would like it never ends, but he isn't going to last so much longer…

«Kaidan!», Sharilin seems to be near to lose control too, her fingers pressing lusty into the skin of his butt…

«Together with me, my love…», he murmurs.

Her eyes open wide when his last thrust goes deeper in her and she finally cries out her climax, followed by his own.

Their bodies are shaken up by uncontrollable spasms of pleasure, and they rest in the same position without moving, overwhelmed by their strong sensations.

Kaidan lays his head at the right side of hers, his nose sunken in her scented hair, and he closes his eyes, trying to calm down his breath… Soon after he feels some tears drop on his face. He lifts his head to look at her: she is crying again.

«I was lost without you, Kaidan…», she sobs.

He dries out her tears with his thumbs, staring at her with his eyes full of love. «It was the same for me, Sharilin… Only now that I have you in my arms I'm feeling alive again, after almost three years… But henceforth we'll be always together…»

She gives him a shy smile, still shaken by her cry. «You have returned to where you belong…», quoting the love song still played by the holo-clock.

«And I'll be there forever…», he kisses her softly.


	5. Chapter 5 NSFW

**Chapter 5**

Shepard can't breathe.

Her tears falling from her eyes like a waterfall, her hands covered by Kaidan's one, her sight locked to his… «Wh… at…?», she tries to speak but her chest is shaken by her sobs.

«Shepard…», Kaidan's voice is so warm and soft «Try to inhale…»

Her throat is dry, her eyes burn but the tears don't want to stop to drop out.

«Shepard inhale, please…»

She closes her mouth without losing Kaidan's gaze and tries to take a great breath. Her throat hurts so much, but she continues: inhale, exhale… One, two, three…

«Very good Shepard, don't stop.»

Her tears begins to slow down, her chest is getting relaxed… Seven, eight…

Kaidan moves his thumbs under her eyes to dry some tears on her cheeks… She feels his warm breath on her face… Eleven, twelve…

Shepard slowly regains control of her body and her mind…

* * *

Kaidan is hypnotized by her eyes, the despair on her face makes him want to embrace and to caress her, to whisper in her ears words to calm her down…

Thankfully she seems to get relaxed. He continues to watch her in her eyes, drying the tears from her face. He's feeling a little guilty, because he's enjoying so much to stay so close to her, to feel again her hair and her skin under his hands, her sweet scent…

But unexpectedly, she closes her eyes, moves away from him and yells «EDI!»

«Yes Shepard?»

«Why did you lied to me?», she gets up and turns her back to Kaidan.

«I did not lied to you Shepard. You asked me if there were someone in the mess and I answered correctly.»

«You told me that all the crew was sleeping!», her voice still trembles for her crying.

«I said 'almost' all the crew was sleeping Shepard. And you didn't ask me about the Port Observation.»

«Shit!... Ok EDI sorry, it's my fault», she grumbles.

«No problem Shepard.»

Kaidan is still seating on the floor, paralyzed by her reaction… He can't believe… Is she still so angry with him?

_«Now that you're again in her life, she's totally confused, and I know she is afraid of you.»_

_«Only you can find the answer.»_

Garrus' words come back in his mind. He was right, it's definitely high time to clear up the situation.

* * *

Shepard is dismayed, she doesn't know what to do "How could I be so naive not to watch over the room before starting to drink? Oh my God, was he here from the beginning? No no no no no no!"

Her throat still burns for the long crying, all her body is shaken by the shock and the desperation… But she has to do something to escape from that situation.

All her efforts to avoid meeting him… and then he sees her crying like a child, what the hell! "This must be a nightmare… I want to wake up!", she pinches her own hand but nothing happens "Shit!"

So… She gets a deep breath.

«I… I am sorry. You wasn't… supposed to… see… me… like that… It's my fault… I was… focused on… my… thoughts… and I didn't… notice you… here… Sorry Kai… Major». She is still giving her back to him, her voice almost a whisper.

«Please… forgive my… carelessness… and… forget about… everything… please…», she slowly moves toward the door, feeling her limbs and her head so heavy…

«Don't even try to run away from me now, Shepard!», Kadain's voice is firm and immobilizes her…

She doesn't have the time to react… even to think to react: he appears in front of her, preventing her to exit the room.

«EDI, lock the door! The Commander and I are busy right now, no one is allowed to disturb us until I'll tell you, unless of course there would be an emergency! Is it bright clear?», his commanding voice, his grave eyes locked on hers, the stern and bothered expression on his face… Shepard is breathless again.

«It is Major», EDI answers.

Shepard opens her mouth to rise against his orders. «There's no way I'm going to let you out of this room until you explain me what's happening to you», Kaidan seems adamant.

After a moment of silence, Shepard goes past the shock and starts to get angry. She feels her biotics to sparkle in her hands closed in fists and her muscles to tense: she is ready to attack him.

«Are you sure you want to start a fight with me on your ship? You don't think I'm not going to react do you?». His eyes turn to blue while his own biotics start to show up.

They stay motionless, staring to each other without say a word.

Shepard is exhausted because of the loss of sleep and her crying, while Kaidan seems to be absolutely firm and determined standing in front of her.

* * *

"No way Shepard, this time I'm not going to give up. If you want to fight, I will fight for you, I will fight till the end to regain your trust. I can't get over the fact I didn't realize it before: how could I be so blind? You're terrified by me. Oh God, I am a terrible man. But I'll fix that, no matter what I've got to do to succeed!"

Outwardly she seems to understand she couldn't win this fight so she releases her powers. «What do you want from me, Alenko?», she asks exasperated.

Without lowering his defenses, Kaidan answers «I want to solve the mess between the two of us once for all! I want to know what's on your mind!»

She turns her eyes to the ground «I've nothing to tell to you, Major. We have already talked about our past, at the hospital, in front of the Normandy… and we did past through, didn't we?»

«These are bullshit, Shepard! I've tried to talk to you many times about… about my feelings… but you never gave me a straight answer! All I had had from you was 'we're good'! But we aren't good at all! I know you, I know…»

«YOU KNOW ME?», her shout resonates in his hears like a gunshot, interrupting his speech. «Are you fucking kidding me?! You have NEVER known me! Garrus knows me, Tali knows me, Joker knows me… But you… you DON'T!», she begins to walk around the room in a race, staying away from him.

Kaidan, shaken by her reaction, releases his own biotics, and follows her movements with his eyes.

«I thought you knew me, I've opened myself to you like I've never done with anyone else in my whole life. You were the person I trusted more than ever… but I was so wrong!», her voice trembles again.

"Here we are finally… Don't stop Shepard, hit me with that. I'm ready, I will never give up with you again!"

«When we met on Horizon, you were… awful! I was DEAD FJC! And all you could do was to make me feel guilty… for my own death!». She stops and looks back at his face, her eyes wide opened with rage.

«I know Shepard, you're right I was awful. But listen… I swear… I'd reacted like that just because… because seeing you alive in front of me, was… was… unbelievable! So I thought you had not died at all… that Cerberus somehow managed to convince you to feign your death to work for them… God, Shepard, as I told you there, I've passed the two worst years of my life thinking that you, the love of my life, were dead… That I couldn't ever embrace you again, kiss you again, see your smile again… And then you were there alive, and with Cerberus… Even when you told me that you were really dead, and they rebuilt you… how… how could I believe to your words at once, without thinking about it? I was… I don't know… I suffered so much…»

While he's speaking to her, Shepard's eyes turn to be sad and she lowers her tone. «Some days after our meeting, Garrus and Joker told me what happened after my death… It was so strange to listen to the story of my own funeral… They told me how… how you looked like a ghost yourself… how you were totally a mess… Joker said to me what happened to your biotics when you realized that he was alone in the last pod, without me…»

«Well… honestly I don't know how I could survive to all the pain I suffered from losing you… I've stayed several weeks in shore leave at my parents' house without saying a word to them, to anyone… All I wanted was to be dead too… Every night I had only nightmares about you… But… One night when I woke up screaming… I suddenly realized that I was wasting time… that the Reapers' threat was still a reality… and if I hadn't done everything about it, your death would be useless. So… I returned back on duty, and I began to work harder only with that thought in my mind… Otherwise I don't know… I don't know what I would have done…». He feels his own eyes get filled with tears, but he forces them back.

Shepard is still looking at him with a sad glaze «I… I… well… Thanks…»

«You don't have to thank me, I don't deserve it from you. As you said, I was awful on Horizon, even if I explained you why. But… well… ok… that wasn't the only reason I acted like that…», Kaidan feels his stomach stinging at the idea to confess all his weakness to her, but he would not turn down now.

«What else?»

«I… I… almost exploded when I saw Garrus with you… You had contacted him and not me…», he almost whispers.

«No! That isn't true! I met Garrus by chance: the Illusive man told me to recruit a killer of mercs named Archangel that was operative on Omega for my new squad, and only when I went there I found out that it was him. You were the first person I thought about when I woke up from my coma, and you were always the first person I asked about, both to Anderson and to the Illusive man. But they didn't told me anything about you: 'Classified Alliance data'! I went almost mad about that!», she's shouting again moving her hands frantically over her head.

«Now I know that… When I returned to the Citadel I went to Anderson's office and talking with him made the idea of you being rebuilt by Cerberus less… absurd… and then he told me that you asked about me but he didn't answer to you. That day I wrote you an email, but you never replied to it.»

«Oh no, I replied a lot of times… Thousands of times… But… I never sent them…»

Kaidan opens his mouth in surprise. «Wh… what? Oh… but… Why?»

Her eyes turn down to the floor again. «Well… I was… confused… I was so angry and hurt by your words on Horizon… but at the same time Garrus and Joker's words made me more sympathetic about what you've been trough… So all the mails I wrote to you were a total mess… I didn't have the heart to send them to you… And… ah… You wrote in yours that… you… were dating a doctor… so… I thought … ah… I was too late», her cheeks blushing.

«Oh no Shepard, I… I didn't mean it. I saw that woman only one time, just because my colleagues forced me. I wrote it to you because I didn't want to hide anything to you!»

«I understand… but… listen… It'd been 2 years for you… but… when I read your mail… for me… it was like only a few days had passed… since the moments when you and I… we were trying to find a quiet place in the old Normandy to stay together, to embrace, to kiss each other, to… Oh God! And thinking about you and another woman… No… I can't even tell how I felt!». She starts again to walk around the room.

"Damn it… I didn't even think about that… She is right… For me it was almost an eternity of time spent without her, but her… She was in coma all the fucking time!", Kaidan doesn't know what to say to her.

«I… I am so sorry Shepard… I didn't realized that… Damn it… I AM really awful!»

She continues to walk around without saying anything else for a while and he stays there, looking at her, waiting for… for what? He doesn't know…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

This time Sharilin's awakening is peaceful, without no fears. When she opens her eyes, here's again Kaidan staring at her «Hey baby…», he smile lovingly to her.

«Hey… Did I bothered you again?», she asks sleepy.

His smile becomes a grin «Sure, you're like a devil when you sleep, didn't you know?»  
«Oh shit… I am sorry Kaidan…»

He bursts into laughter «I was joking my love! I woke up about 10 minutes before you…»

«That wasn't funny Major!», she snorts to him trying to sit down, but his arms surround her pulling against his chest «What are you trying to do Commander?», his nose brushes her neck making her shiver.

«Oh… I…»

«I liked to watch you sleep… You seemed to be so quiet and… safe…», he replaces his nose with his lips.

«Well… I am really feeling quiet and safe… like I never was since… since… since we were together on the Normandy SR-1…», she turns her head to meet his lips with hers.

Their sweet moment suddenly is interrupted by… a faint grumble…

«What…?», Sharilin looks at Kaidan, and his expression is clearly guilty.

This is the time for her to laugh «So Major, I think your stomach had digested your steak sandwich!»

«Damn, it digested it many hours ago!», he confesses embarrassed.

«Ahahahah! Sorry, I haven't thought about your L2 biotic ravenous metabolism!», she teases him.

He gets upset «Ma'am, after a night - and a morning - like that, I am pretty justified of being hungry!»

She kisses him swiftly then she reaches the holo-clock «1424! Wow! I am sorry Kaidan, of course you're starving!»

«No problem, it definitely worth it…», his sneer is very meaningful.

She blushes «Well… Yeah… Err… I have nothing to eat here, we've to go to the Crew's deck»

Kaidan snorts «Sooner of later we've got to leave this bed unfortunately…»

For a moment an idea comes in Sharilin's mind, but she chases it away at once. She gets up from the bed and touches her hair which is totally in a mess «So, I think I'll need a shower before…»

«Oh yes I like your idea!», he follows her off from the bed.

She looks at him with her eyebrows raised in surprise «What are you thinking about…?»

He doesn't answer to her, he gets close to grab and lift her in his strong arms «So… where's the shower?»

She points to the door a little awkward and he follows her indications, entering in the large bathroom. He puts her down on her feet and he turns on the shower: the hot water flows on their hairs and their bodies, but Sharilin can't relax, because Kaidan is looking at her with predatory eyes…

«Didn't you just said that…», she doesn't know how to carry on her speech, her mind is becoming blurred by her desire for him.

«What Ma'am?», he makes an innocent smile while his hand starts to wander on her wet skin.

«I… You… Jesus I can't believe that you want still…»

«I'd stayed almost three years without you… From now on I don't want to waste any single moment with you, we've got a lot of time to reclaim back, my love… I need you…»

At his words she forgets all about the hunger, the shower, the time… Again he only things that matters in that moment for her is Kaidan.

* * *

Sharilin is in her cabin, wrapped in her towel looking at the closed door of the bathroom. She has just left Kaidan have a little of… privacy after their amazing 'shower time'…

There were a very good… wet hot sex… After that, he washed her hair and her body, handling her like she was the most precious and delicate thing in the galaxy, and then he had dried her lovingly, as he had always used to do in the past: it was everything so perfect that she can almost believe it was all real.

"He is so caring with me… I am so damn lucky…"

She turns her head from the door and her eyes start to wander all over her cabin: there's a lot of chaos, but looking at their dresses and their boots on the floor, at her unmade bed, at their dogtags leaned joined on the nightstand… she feels at home for the first time in her own cabin.

There it comes again… the same idea she had had before, and this time she can't remove it from her mind…

Two warm arms arrive from behind her and embrace her tenderly «What are you thinking about, baby?», Kaidan kisses her wet hair.

She takes a deep breath and then she turns her body to face him, staring serious in his awesome whiskey colored eyes. She opens her mouth but she isn't able to speak to him.

«Hey Sharilin, what's up?», Kaidan looks worried.

She buries her head in his muscled pecs, trying to find the courage to talk to him.

"Come on… you can do it! You two have been through hell and now finally you're together again. You have to try!", she tells to herself.

She takes another deep breath and she lifts her head to gaze at him «Kaidan…»

«Yes?», his eyebrows are contracted by the concern.

«Kaidan, after we'd ate some food in the mess… I want you to go to your cabin, to gather all of your things and then move here with me», she says in one swallow.

His face is immediately twisted by astonishment and he stays staring at her without saying a word.

"Shit… Did I made the wrong move? Oh God… I know how much he is loyal to the Alliance regs… even though he had already broken them falling in love with me… But maybe this is too much for him… Damn it… Why did I…"

«Is that an order Commander?», his face is now relaxed and he's smiling to her saying the same frase he told her the first night they bunked together, before Ilos.

«Well… No… Definitely not… As the commanding officer of this ship I could never order to you to break the Alliance rules», she answers shy to him «It is only a request made by a woman that is totally in love with you…»

«Well, in that case how could I say no?»

Sharilin almost scream by joy, hugging him so strong and leaving him breathless for a moment.

«Oh Kaidan I am so happy!»

He lowers his head to rest his forehead on hers, brushing their noses «I was afraid that you wouldn't never ask me that…»

Now is her turn to be amazed «What? Really? Oh… But… I was quite sure that I would be start to bagging you for days to convince you! Major Alenko, you were always so loyal to the regs…»

«Fuck the regs!», he shouts «I had lost you one time, and I couldn't mourn your dead like I deserved because no one shouldn't know that we were in love… I has passed two years of my life regretting that, regretting all the time we wasted because of the regs… I will never do the same mistake again», the look in his face is so grave and determined.

«Fuck the regs?», she giggles.

«Sure! Don't you remember? If there weren't the fraternization rules, you and I would be a perfect couple, according to EDI's researches!»

«Fuck the regs! I like it!», she smile lovingly «My sweet Major… I want to fall asleep every night in your arms, and wake up near you every morning…»

«Only sleep?», he grins sly to her.

Her cheeks becomes instantly red «Come on, Kaidan…»

«Sorry… but you're so cute when you blush!», he kisses her on the nose.

«Ok… How are we going to act towards the rest of the crew?», she returns to be serious.

«Well… Joker, Garrus and Liara already knew about us, and probably they already KNOW again… It's obviously that even Vega understood something…»

«Yeah…»

«Finally I would be able to follow suit to his annoying cracks!», he mutters «And to punch his face if he'll try to flirt with you again!»

«What? I can't believe! Major Kaidan Alenko, are you jealous?», Sharlin chuckles.

He doesn't answer, looking over her head.

«That's so sweet Kaidan! But you don't have to be worried about James… He's like a little brother to me!», suddenly she gets hungry «Instead, _**I**_ will punch Allers' face, oh yeah! Damn it, if only we shouldn't need her support in this war, I would kicked her out of my ship last night!»

«Wait… WHO is jealous here?»

«Well, I've got no problem to admit it! I am fucking jealous of every woman comes near to you!»

He embraces her tight, smiling «I love you…»

She responds at his embrace «Me too…»

After a while, she takes a deep breath «So… are we going to… shack up?»

«Yeah, I think so», he takes her face in his hand to look at her eyes «The rest of the crew probably will start to gossip about us… If our relationship will fall in the public domain, even if there's a war on, it's possible that we will be summoned by the Alliance committee…»

«They could kiss my ass! Don't worry Kaidan, in that case I'm going to take all the responsibilities by myself…»

«No way Sharilin, we are in this situation together!»

«But I don't want you to lose your position and your students!», she says agitated «The Alliance had turned its back on me on time, I will not be surprised if it'll do this again. By now I am accustomed to be… a free-lance hero!»

Kaidan is upset by her affirmation, but he can't avoid to chuckle at her smirk telling him that.

«Maybe I could became a Shadow broker agent! It will be always better to work for Liara than for the fucking Illusive Man!», she continues her joke.

«Come on Sharilin! Somehow we're going to find a way, if there will be the need. Anyway, we're both Spectres now, and there's no rules about fraternization in the Council, even EDI didn't found anything about it.»

«Yeah you're right. So I could be a Spectre AND a Shadow broker agent, like Tela Vasir!»

«Who the hell is Tela Vasir now? What… Stop with that Commander Shepard! I'm trying to be serious!»

«Aye aye Major!», she stands in front of him giving him the salute gesture.

«Sharilin what's up!», Kaidan is getting angry.

She stops her jokes and begins to glance at him with puppy eyes «I am sorry Kaidan…»

«Why are you joking like this now?»

Her expression turns to be grave, her eyes start wandering over the room «I don't know… I am so tired about… About everything. All my last months… or years… I've been always mistreated by the Council, by the Alliance, by Cerberus… And in the end? I was right and no one listened to me. Now the only thing that matters for me is to be with you and my friends, and to kick all the Reapers' ass. Fuck the regs, fuck the Council, fuck Cerberus, fuck the Alliance committee…», she sighs «But at the same time I care about your own career. I know how much you worked hard and I don't want to risk…»

He puts his forefinger on her lips avoiding her to finish to speak «As I told you before, it doesn't matter anymore. I love you and I want to be with you. If we're going to have problems because we are a couple, we're going to face them as a couple. There's no way I'm going to let you alone.»

She focuses again her eyes on him, without say anything.  
After a while she sneers uncomplaining at him «What's just happened? Ten minutes ago I was afraid to ask you to move here with me, and now you are talking to me about staying together against the regs, against everything? I am shocked!»

He takes her again in his arms smiling «And this is only the beginning my love…», his lips brushed her forehead «At least we would be two awesome and unstoppable Shadow broker agents! Do you think that Liara will pay us well?»

She burst into laughter «I don't know… We'll see eventually…»

«Ok. But right now… please baby… I'm really starving!»

«Oh you're right, I'm sorry!», she pulls herself out of his arms and goes to the dresser to get some clothing while Kaidan starts to gather his own on the floor.

Sharilin sighs looking at her messed hair at the mirror «Well… I think I'll need a little of time, to… arrange myself… Maybe it's better if you precede me…»

«Aren't you hungry Sharilin?»

«Yes I am, and I will join you as soon as possible, but it's better that you go on before me…»

Kaidan stops a moment «Well, actually you have… 'a cold'… Yeah… I'm going to the Crew's deck alone. We'd decided to be together despite of the rules, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be discrete and professional…»

«Exactly!», she blinks at him «If the crew has find out the… forbidden love affair between their commanding officers… at least let it be a little hard!»

Kaidan chuckles «You're right. Ok… What do you want to eat baby?»

«Surprise me!»


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

«Hey, Garrus, have you seen the Commander?», James has just arrived at the Crew's deck and he has found the Turian seated alone in the mess reading a datapad.

«No, James, I haven't. EDI told me that she has…»

«A little cold, yeah, I know…»

Vega has some doubts about Shepard being ill. During the six months they've spent together in Vancouver she has never had any kind of sickness, and during the battles, even if she gets bad injuries, she heals very fast - thanks to the Cerberus implants, as she states.

Yesterday she gave all the crew an entire night of shore leave on the Citadel and then she disappeared all the day long. Joker and he tried to invite her to the Purgatory to have some drinks together with the rest of them, but she wasn't reachable. And she has been closed in her cabin since last night…

Well, it is right that she deserves to rest: since they began their mission against the Reapers, she has worked hard day and night, and often the Lieutenant asks himself where she gets all her energies.

The 'strange' thing is that… she isn't the only one missing since the day before: the Major Alenko has also vanished! Joker said that he met him in the Presidium Commons and he seemed in a hurry and a little… restless. When he told him about the nightclub, Alenko thanked him hastily for the invite and he ran away. Obviously they didn't see neither him that night at the Purgatory, and when they were back to the Normandy, James noticed that the Major weren't in the Men's cabin, and he didn't return there to sleep at all.

"Is that just a coincidence? I don't think so!", James is thinking about this while he's returning to the elevator. When he gets in front of it, its ringing sound informs its arrival at the Crew's deck and Alenko exits from it. They almost get frightened seeing each other.

«Oh there you are, Major! Where have you been? I was afraid that we'd left you on the Citadel!», James greets him after he pulls himself together.

Alenko chuckles. «No, Lieutenant, I am here, but thanks for your concern!», then he moves towards the kitchen.

Vega follows him. «So why didn't you join us at the Purgatory last night?»

«I was… busy», he answers shortly opening the fridge and staring at his content.

"Mmm, he seems to be too evasive… Is he trying to hide anything?", James manages to hold on the grin that is growing on his lips. «I understand… Did you know that the Commander has… a cold?»

Alenko takes some food from the fridge and closes it. «Yes, I do», he says without looking at him.

"Damn, he's not going to tell me anything!", Vega is seething because of his own curiosity. He stares at him, messing about on the stove. «I didn't know that, as a Major, you've even the task to cook!»

«Yeah, exactly like you, as a Lieutenant, have the task to clean the Men's restroom, if I remember right!», Alenko sneers at him referring at what Shepard told him some days before.

James bursts into laughter. «You've got a point, Alenko!». He giggles and then he returns to his activities.

The Lieutenant sniffs the tasty scent of his food. «Actually I am a little hungry too… Maybe you should…»

«Sorry, it's too late, Vega!», Alenko laughs moving away with two trays in his hands walking towards an empty mess table.

«But why two…», James is interrupted by Shepard's voice.

«… Yes yes, I am fine now. I just… I needed some rest…», she's standing near Garrus, whit her N7 hoodie and her hair bonded in a long braid that reaches her loins.

«Wow, Lola! I've never seen you with a braid! You're even more hot!»

The Commander turns her eyes to him, a shiny smile on her face. «Thank you James!», she says to him, gently patting on his muscular shoulder while she moves past over him and she goes straight towards the table where Alenko is sitting. She gets a chair, she sits in front of him and he gives one of the trays to her.

Vega's mouth is wide opened for the astonishment. "What… did he cooked for her?"

Shepard is chuckling at the Major. «Another sandwich? Really?», she asks him.

He pretends to be offended. «Well, I didn't have so much time to arrange something else. If you don't want…»

«No no, I want it, it seems to be very good!», she interrupts him.

«James!», Garrus' voice brings him back from his state of shock. «Sit down and stop staring at them like a voyeur!». He follows the Turian's order, sitting near him. «Garrus… What are they…?»

«I don't know for sure…», Garrus lifts his eyes from the datapad and turns them toward the couple. «But… I know something about Shepard's behavior…»

«What?»

«She uses to arrange her hair in that way only when she is very happy… The last time I saw her like this was… on the Normandy SR-1, after we've downed Saren and Sovereign. Even when we stopped the Collectors she wasn't so glad like that…»

«Really? Oh… », the Lieutenant still can't help looking at them. They seem really… to feel at ease with each other and… so damn happy! Shepard has started to eat her snack, and she seems to like it very much, while Alenko is speaking to her, but he can't listen to his words.

She's giving him the sweetest smiles James has ever seen in his whole life, and the Major's expression is full of tenderness and affection. When she finishes her sandwich, he scours giggling her chin with his thumb to free her from some crumbs, her cheeks flush a little, and her fingers brushes his knuckles slowly.

«Goddamn, Garrus, they're flirting like hell!», Vega is amazed. "Don't they mind about the fraternization rules?"

«Are you jealous, James?», the Turian teases him.

«Nope, I am only… concerned for them…», he notices their hands intertwined on the table, their eyes locked into each others…

After a while, the Major gets up from the table, gathering both their trays, and Shepard follows with her sight his movements till the kitchen, like she is… enjoying the view of his… back?

Then she gets up too and reaches Garrus and him.

«So… what are you doing here guys?»

«I… I… », James is faltering because of his embarrassment and she looks at him intrigued.

Meanwhile, Alenko joins them too. «Hi Garrus!»

«Hi Kaidan! Is it all right?»

«Sure, thanks! But I've got to go now. I… have an important thing to do», he blinks at Shepard, who blushes a little.

«Ok, Major…», again she follows him with her eyes until he disappears behind the walls.

«Lola, are you still with us?», Vega snaps his fingers in front of her face making her gasp by surprise.

«Shit, James! What are you doing!»

«Commander, what are YOU doing!», he laughs at her and her cheeks turn to be deep red at once.

«Shepard, Specialist Traynor has to speak to you at the CIC about an important matter», EDI interrupts them.

«Thank you, EDI, I'm coming!», then she walks toward the elevator still blushing.

* * *

James is working at his desk in the Shuttle bay, still thinking about Shepard and Alenko.

He doesn't know what's happened between them, and now somehow it seems that they're together… again? There are so many thing he can't understand.

He remembers so well how the Major seemed concerned about Shepard during their escape from Earth under attack, but he also remembers how heavily he blamed her on Mars because of Cerberus, and her exasperated reaction. In that moment even James felt the need to defend her from his accusations.

Then there's been their armed stand-off on the Citadel because of Udina. Shepard's face was contracted by fear while they were following the Councilors, because she knew Alenko was with them. When he decided to believe at her words and he turned his gun towards Udina, James was sure that her eyes were moist.

And finally he rejoined the Normandy, but she began to hide from him… till the day before.

"What the hell has happened between them? I NEED to know, goddamn it!"

Vega isn't a gossipy man, he never minds about romances and he isn't jealous about Shepard, like Garrus said to him. "I want to know because… Shit… I don't know… I care about her and I want her to be happy… She DESERVES to be happy!"

_«She uses to arrange her hair in that way only when she is very happy… The last time I saw her like this was… on the Normandy SR-1 after we've downed Saren and Sovereign. Even when we stopped the Collectors she wasn't so glad like that…»_

"The Normandy SR-1… Maybe Lola and Alenko had had an… affair during their mission in the old ship? He was only a Lieutenant at the time if I remember right… And the fraternization rules? I can't believe Shepard could break the regs to have some… entertainment time with a subordinate of hers… She is so professional! Well, thinking about her anguish during her time under arrest, probably it wasn't only 'entertainment' for her …"

Anyway it was almost three years ago… And during those years she has died and then she has been rebuilt by Cerberus and has worked with them… Alenko is well-known for his strong loyalty towards the Alliance and his hate for Cerberus, and now he is a Major, and a Council Spectre, so he has many responsibilities on his shoulders. Vega could understand his doubts about her.

So… why did he change his mind? Why did he join again the Normandy? And… why was he acting so… fondly towards her today at the mess?

Of course she isn't with Cerberus anymore, but there are still the Alliance rules against fraternizations. Even if he had broken them on the old Normandy to bunk with his commanding officer, he was just a Lieutenant like him, and James can understand a moment of… weakness! But now he seems to be too professional to break rules again…

"Yeah, Lola is a very hot chick, I would gladly break the rules for some hot nights with her… But I didn't ever mind about regs… Fuck the regs! But Alenko… He's a damn boy-scout! I can't believe…"

«James, it's dinner time, come on!», Steve interrupts his thoughts.

«Thanks, Steve, I'm coming!», he follows Cortez in the elevator. «I think you've to go to the cabin before dinner to change your shirt, it's oil-stained!»

«Shit, you're right, Steve!», so Vega goes to the Men's cabin.

While he's in front of his locker, his attention is caught by something: Alenko's one is open and empty, as his bed and his nightstand are. James stands on his spot, immobilized by the shock. "What the hell?!"

He is still very confused when he enters the mess. He takes a tray and sees the Major seated with Garrus and Liara: without thinking about it, Vega joins them at the table and begins to eat his dinner looking at them silently.

Alenko glimpses at him with a questioning expression. «Is there any problem, Lieutenant?»

«Oh…Well… I…», James stops because Garrus and Liara are looking at him too. «Err… Where is the Commander?»

«She's busy in the Comm room», he answers, «But it's about a lot of time she's there… Hope it's all ok…». Vega looks at him: his eyebrows are tense by the concern, his left hand closed in fist on his knee, the food in his tray is untouched.

«GARRUUUUUUS!», Shepard is running toward the Turian «Garrus!»

«What's happened, Shepard?», the Turian asks to her.

«The Quarians! I've just finished to talk with their Admiralty! Finally they have managed to contact us!», she is euphoric, her ringing tone floods all the mess. «I've scheduled a meeting with them, after our next mission on Arrae! Do you understand what it means? Probably we're going to see Tali again!»

«That's great!», Garrus gets up from the table to go near her.

«My dear Tali! When she will be there again with us, finally our team on the Normandy will be whole again!», the Commander gives a fast knowing glance to the Major before she goes to take her dinner, followed by Garrus.

James turns again to focus on Alenko: his hand is now relaxed on his leg and he's smiling relieved staring at her while she's returning to the table with her tray and she sits near him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

James spends the rest of the dinner listening to Garrus and Shepard's stories about their Quarian friend Tali: they both seem very attached to her, and even Alenko and T'soni have something to tell about her, from their adventures in the old Normandy. He's feeling a little… out of place among them, and probably he would have already gone away, but his attention is still focused on the Commander and the Major.

They have been giving each other brief sweet glimpses all the time, shy smiles, sometimes he brushes stealthily her hand, other times she squeezes his knee… They seem they want to find any kind of way to interact without being noticed. But Vega doesn't take off his eyes from them even for a second!

The mess slowly begins to get empty, since even the two aliens get up from the table and say good bye to everybody. So finally there are only the three of them in the room.

Suddenly Shepard turns to stare at him intrigued. «Ok, James, let's talk! What's up?»

James is caught by surprise. «What…?»

«Come on, you're acting strange since the first moment we met today, and during all the evening you haven't said anything, looking to us shocked!»

«Oh shit, did you notice? I am sorry… I…»

Alenko chuckles. «Hey Commander, you are making him blush!»

«What! It's not true!», the Lieutenant declares.

«So? I know you've got something in your mind. Hit me with that, James!», Shepard is glancing at him seriously.

Now that the moment is arrived, Vega is caught by fear… fear of being intrusive, fear of hurting her… but when he looks in her eyes, all that he can see is peace and happiness.

«I was… concerned about the two of you…»

She giggles at him. «Yeah… So finally you succeeded to find out who is the man that inspired all my boring tear-jerker sad songs, as you used to tell me on Earth?», the Major's turns his face towards her, his expression confused and a little embarrassed.

«Well, it was pretty clear since the first time you met him, before the Reapers' attack!».

«So you're not as foolish as you seem!», she teases him. «Well, Kaidan, I think we have to do this…», she takes Alenko's hand and intertwines their fingers, making him relax.

«What can I say, James? I love him… I have always loved him… Since I first saw him on the Normandy SR-1…», her cheeks begin to flush, the Major's eyes are locked on her.

«Wow, was it love at first sight?», Vega asks.

«I think so… Of course at the beginning I've tried not to think about it: he was a Lieutenant under my command! Both of us were always very professional, and the idea of breaking fraternizations rules never came in my mind…», her eyes reach Alenko's, and they smile caught by all their memories.

«Before I met Kaidan, of course I've had some… 'sexual affairs', you know… but I've never felt attached to anyone of my partners… Actually I never thought about love! I was always a lonely girl, focused on my career, to kick the bad guys' asses!», she turns to look at James.

«Yeah, like me!», Vega sneers.

«But then, Anderson called me on the Normandy, and all my life changed. I've become a Spectre, I had a ship and an entire crew under my command. I began to be fond of each of them, but… Kaidan… When I met him… I don't know… It was like…», she tries to find the right words. «Like I saw a man for the first time! And he was an amazing man, and a damn good soldier. Our chemistry was so evident, both in the battlegrounds and out of combat. So I found myself longing to stay near him more and more, to talk to him, even to watch him covertly while he was working at his station…», she giggles embarrassed.

«Really?», Alenko asks surprised. «I didn't know you were stalking me!»

James chuckles. «And so, what happened?», he's very interested in their history.

«When we found the evidences of an incoming Reapers' attack and we tried vainly to convince the Council of the danger, they grounded us at the Citadel.»

«Yes, I know. Then Anderson helped you all to escape with the Normandy to go to Ilos, right?»

«Right. That night before Ilos… We had mutinied so I wasn't a Commander and Kaidan wasn't a Lieutenant anymore… And we were aware that our mission could be a suicide…»

The Major interrupts her. «I went in her cabin to… talk with her. I was… confused and worried about what was happening on the Normandy and… between us… But when we started to talk… we finally… surrendered at our passion… It was… Wow…».

«Ok, I don't need the details, thanks!», James says upset. «But, after Ilos, and after the battle of the Citadel, you all survived and the Alliance reinstated all of you…»

«Yes, but at that point it was too late… We had fallen in love with each other. So we decided to stay together anyway… We spent together our month of shore leave after the battle, and they were the most beautiful days of my life…», Alenko continues.

«OUR lifes…», Shepard corrects him, making him smile fondly to her.

«Then the Council decided to send us to find out the Geths at the Terminus systems and we returned back on duty on the Normandy, keeping our relationship hidden. Only Joker, Garrus, Tali and Liara knew our… dirty little secret…», his voice starts to falter.

«But… there was the Collectors' attack…», James says serious.

Shepard turns to be very sad. «Exactly… And I died… Then Cerberus rebuilt me… When I woke up Kaidan was my first thought, but I wasn't able to contact him. Then we met on Horizon, after the Collectors' attack… It was… terrible…»

The Major grips her hand more tightly. «Seeing her alive, in front of me… I started to believe that she hadn'tdied at all, and I felt… betrayed by her, by the woman I loved, so I told her… awful words… God…», he sighs gloomy.

«Yeah… I felt like my heart was broken in little pieces… I still loved him so much… But I understood that we would never be together again…».

«Shit, Lola, I am sorry. I shouldn't ask you anything…»

Shepard faces him and she's smiling amazingly. «No, James, you deserve to know it, after the patience you had with me while I was under arrest. The loss of Kaidan always made me suffer like hell, but when I was busy with work, I was able not to think too much about how I missed him. But those six month spent doing nothing… Jeez… All I could do was to mourn him… I wasn't able to tell you anything, because I was still convinced I would never have another possibility to stay with him and it always hurt me so much…».

«I understand, Lola… And I thank you to have told me it now…»

«Well, we're part of the same team, I think you have to know that…», she flushes again.

«That…? What? This means…»

Alenko grins at him. «This means that from now on you've to be careful with flirting with her, if you don't want a biotic punch in your face, Lieutenant!»

James bursts into laughter. «Oh well, thanks for the warning!». After a while he returns to be serious. «But why now?»

They look at him amazed «What do you mean?»

«Shepard was always a soldier… 'out of the lines'… But you Kaidan… I know that you always were a flawless soldier… Why have you changed your mind, now? You moved away from Shepard long ago… You worked hard to build your career in the Alliance… And now you are ready to risk to be court-martialed because of breaking the fraternization rules with her?»

«Of course», he answers immediately.

«Oh… But why?»

«Because I love her, I always have. She took my heart right from the start… I've never met an extraordinary woman like her in my whole life… And I have continued to love her when she was dead… Even after Cerberus rebuilt her… when I was so confused and unsure about her real identity… I loved her…», he smiles at Shepard.

Vega is still confused… «Look, I am the first person who doesn't mind about the regs, if there is a good reason to ignore them… But you…»

«You have never been in love, do you, James?»

The Lieutenant is caught again by surprise. «Well, no, I haven't…»

«That's why you can't understand. Yes, I gave my life to the Alliance, and I have always wanted to serve. But then I have found Shepard, and all my life has changed. I've lost her one time, and I almost died too because of the pain of her loss… Now we have finally succeeded to solve our problems and get together again… And I don't want to waste any time without her… I need her…»

She leans her head on the crook of his neck. «And I need you…»

«And… Don't you fear that your… love story… could distract you from our mission?»

Shepard looks at him worried. «Are you concerned about our professional behavior, James?»

«No no, Lola! But…»

«Absolutely not!», Alenko interrupts him. «On the contrary: we're unstoppable together. Our biotic skills work even better if we combine them, and I feel more useful at her side…»

«And I feel safer and stronger at his side…»

«I understand…», Vega remembers how excited they were after their last mission, and Garrus' words about their perfect team work on the battleground. «So… Major, why have all your stuffs disappeared from our cabin?»

A guilty look appears in his face. «Well… I have… moved…»

«Into the Capitan's cabin?», the evil grin returns on his lips.

«Yes, Lieutenant…», he answers, and suddenly gets up still holding Shepard's hand. «Indeed I think it's time for us to… inaugurate our… cohabitation! Let's go Commander?»

She's totally ravished by him. «Sure Major…», she follows him towards the elevator, but suddenly she stops and turns to Vega again. «Thank you, James. I don't know exactly what you have done, but I am sure that somehow I owe you one, big boy!», she giggles at him.

He gets up too and smiles to them. «It was a pleasure Lola. Thank you for answering all my questions. And… Fuck the regs! You're a great couple, I am very happy for you.»

They thank him heartily, and as James begins to walk towards the Men's cabin, he observes them embracing and Alenko saying to her «I love you, Sharilin…»

James' jaw drops. "He called her by her first name! I can't believe… Is this 'real love'?"

Somehow the Major notices his shock. «You will learn what is love one day, Lieutenant, I swear!», and they disappear into the elevator.

* * *

«Wow… It was… like… telling about our love story to… our son!», Kaidan says still embracing her in the elevator.

Sharilin laughs in his arms. «Thanks God he isn't our son… Could you even imagine what kind of troubles he would give us as his parents?»

«Goddamn!», he curses. «You're right… I hope our children will be more… peaceful!»

She moves her head from his chest and stares at him shocked. «Jesus! Kaidan, we're just starting to shack up now, and you are already thinking about having children?»

He takes her face in his hands, looking at her gravely. «Sharilin, don't you still understand that I want to stay with you for the rest of my life? When the war will be over, I will want to have a family with you, my love…».

The doors of the elevator open at the Capitan's deck, but they're immobilized on their spot.

Sharilin can't almost believe what she's just listened to. «I… I… I haven't ever thought to have a family of my own…», her sky-blue eyes are open wide and she's almost trembling.

Kaidan moves away from her afraid, beginning to feel guilty. «Oh… I am sorry, Sharilin… I didn't want to scare you… Just… I've been dreaming about these things all those years… I…»

She inhales deeply. «You don't have to apologize Kaidan»

He looks at her and notices that now she's smiling lovingly to him. «It was just… all of sudden! I think I need time to… process that, Major!»

Kaidan giggles relieved: she's repeated the same things he said to her when they'd begun to… flirt on the Normandy SR-1.

«But… A bunch of biotic babies… with dark curls, caramel colored eyes and a dimple on the chin…», she mumbles. «I think I would enjoy the idea, after all…»

His heart almost stops for the emotion. «Sharilin…»

She takes his hand. «Come on, Kaidan, let's enter our cabin…», she opens the door and he follows her inside the loft.

«Welcome home, Major Alenko!», and then she reaches his lips with hers.


End file.
